Everyone goes through times where it's hard to get out of bed and do what you need to do to pay the bills. I've had those times for the past six months. I wake up and don't want to do the same thing as i did the day before. I look at the clock and think just one more hour and i'll be ready to go. Ready to go hasn't happened and i'm still waiting for it.
I'm 39 years old now and almost over the hill. It's all downhill from here and all that jazz. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder where the time went. Seems like just yesterday i was shooting hoops and scheming to get liquor and weed. Now i'm wondering how long the cable bill will wait till it gets shut off, and if the car will make it to work on what little gas i have in it.
Tonight thinking about everything i just said i realized that it's not the everyday same shit different day bullshit, it's what you do to get out of it. It doesn't even matter if you do ever get out of that mindset but working towards getting out of it does matter a lot.
Last month i finally achieved a goal i set for myself almost 6 years ago. Through doubt and issues that made me think i would never achieve it i worked. Through waiting and not being able to study when i needed or wanted to i still worked. Through my boss telling me i don't have as much to do as everyone else, i worked. I achieved what i worked for.
I realized tonight that working hard to achieve a goal isn't a reward but motivation to achieve the next one. To keep working towards getting out of Custodian hell and into being comfortable. I don't even want to be rich anymore i just want to be comfortable. Having the bills paid and the money to give the kids and my wife whatever they need is all i want. I'm willing and able to work towards that goal and i'll keep working towards it till it happens and then i'll work some more.
